I love the dead plants….

Winter walks in the woods are my absolute favorite. There is a certain stillness and quiet that it holds that others seasons don’t. Just the sound of leaves crunching beneath my feet I can feel my whole nervous system calm down. I am always drawn to the dead plants. I think they are so beautiful. They are so brittle, fragile, resilient and incredible teachers. Every winter things DIE. Plants die. It is a NATURAL PROCESS. I contemplate dying. What in me is dying? Am I in acceptance with it or am I fighting it? If I can see the beauty and necessity in the dying of plants, well, maybe I can honor what’s happening in me.

I will be 50 in July. I suppose that is why I am thinking more and more about death and dying. I think about how I too am in the process of dying. WE all are. Our culture really lacks any reverence for this fact. We put make up on the dead to make them look less….dead? We rarely see nature’s gradual process of dying and so we are stunned when it comes.We find the process of dying to be weak or less beautiful than being young. We CHANGE. We are supposed to. If we let it be gradual and honor the process there is so much to gain from leaning in. Nature can be kind in that way. The lessons are brutal at times, but I have found leaning into the natural processes are deeply rich and nourishing to the soul. She teaches us how to live…..she teaches how to die.

When I was a child my Grandmother was my favorite person. I ADORED HER FACE. She had wrinkles. I would stare at her face and outline the lines of her wrinkled face with my pointer finger. I loved my fathers wrinkles on his forehead and always aimed my kisses towards them. I don’t ever remember my Grandparents complaining about the wrinkles or actively fighting them. It wasn’t something that occupied their minds. I am forever grateful for their way of being in the world. My Children’s Grandparents are also this way and I am so grateful for that, too. I want them to see their elders grow old naturally. Dare I say with DIGNITY, GRACE, REVERENCE, ACCEPTANCE….as if to do so IS SACRED AND IMPORTANT.

I watched a “death doula” on a TED TALK yesterday. I am DEEPLY fascinated with this work. Just the language of it….oh, we have doulas for BIRTH…of course we should have doulas for death! I’m curious about the dying PROCESS. If we die in a natural way what does that look like? Why is it hidden? Why don’t we talk about this more? Most of my friends right now have sick and dying parents. That means we are next up to bat! I need to know more. I need to know how to walk through this RITE OF PASSAGE.

On another level, we die all the time. There are things dying in me as we speak. Women go through menopause. I asked my healer about this and she explained to me, “ the energy of your reproductive organs are no longer necessary, The Uterus is undergoing a death process. Your body needs that energy to go elsewhere.” THAT was the best framing I personally have heard yet. HARD to hear. A part of me is dying. The part that was once very much ALIVE and produced my babies is coming to an end… So, there in lies GREIF. I wonder if it’s the not knowing how to be with difficult feelings is why we have so much avoidance of natural processes. What is so important to remember is what is to be gained from going through the hard emotions. THE GIFTS…there are GIFTS waiting on the other side….just like the promise of SPRING. Allowing for the death to make fertile the ground for new growth.

Fortunately, I have lots of experience with how to be with grief. I have created RITUAL and I have PRACTICES that will usher me through this very natural phase of my life. I think this can be very easily overlooked and we are given so many tools for disassociation. I suppose that is a question. Where do we go to tend to these very necessary places within us. Our culutre doesn’t have places to take our very human processes.

I suppose that I feel deeply that we need to CREATE practices for OURSELVES that help us contend with these very natural HUMAN rites of passage. I feel so passionately about it that I am creating it.

I am calling it, “THE NATURE OF CREATIVITY”…it is my passion project and it is taking form as we speak. I’m currently taking action by creating a class curriculum and forming a BETA trial run in January. That BETA class is full as of now. I am forming a wait list if anyone wants me to put their name down , contact me and I will add you.

For those who want to attend, I am planning a weekend workshop the last weekend in FEBURARY. Where we will take a weekend to explore our inner world and align it creatively with our outer world.

photo credit: Jenny Moloney

The above photo is of myself and my friend Kelley in the Sequoia National Forrest…I am always seeking ways to collaborate with nature. In this moment I found charcoal from a burnt sequoia, a sequoia stump, paper from my journal and a stick…we made impressions as souvenirs. She and I are still in constant contact and as we explored these glorious trees and all their wisdom, we now are more deeply rooted to explore our own natural wonders….together….the POWER of women when we are more deeply connected to ourselves and other women…well, it’s FUCKING FIERCE…we are natural CREATORS. WE, WOMEN, create PEOPLE>>>> our vessels are conduits. It’s not small. Let’s begin to turn towards our INNATE WISDOM and honor our NATURAL birth rite…come join me. Inquire within.

L E S L I E